“Friendship is the golden thread that ties the heart of all the world.”
–John Evelyn
But what happens when a friendship reaches a crisis of mutual understanding?
My friend, colleague, and therapist Tamar Priel and I have joined forces for a project dedicated to exploring this very question. Through both our work and personal experience, we've noticed a point at which many female friendships begin to feel uncertain: when the question of having children arises and is answered differently—whether by choice or circumstance.
What once felt like shared life paths can suddenly diverge into different perspectives, routines, priorities, and emotional challenges. And it is often at this point that a friendship can enter a period of strain. Because we are rarely taught how to actively care for and navigate friendships, valuable relationships are often lost during these times of transition.
Tamar and I are passionate believers in the value of friendship. And we keep wondering: there are countless guides and resources for romantic relationships that—if we're honest—sometimes last only a few months. Why don't we have the same kind of support for friendships, which often accompany us for years or even decades?
That's why we started the Friendship Project. We are collecting tools, methods, and insights for navigating friendship crises when differing experiences around the question of children become a source of tension. Our first step is research. If this topic resonates with you, we warmly invite you to take part in our survey. It consists of 11 questions, which you can answer as briefly or as extensively as you like.
If you're interested in following the development of the Friendship Project, you can join our mailing list —or reach out to us directly if you'd like to be part of the conversation.
We are deeply grateful for every perspective and response. After all, it is through understanding one another that we grow together.